How to Know if You Are a Toxic Person
We're all familiar with the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" question. Sure, information technology'southward a straightforward way to gauge one's inclination toward pessimism or optimism, merely, frequently, real-life situations aren't so clear-cutting. There seems to be a societal pressure level to "try and see the silver lining" or to cheer upward our friends and offer solutions when they come to us with grievances, frustrations and problems. But is leaning toward positivity and constantly inserting a "bright side" signal of view actually the all-time way to go about things? It turns out that line of idea may be a glace slope.
While engaging in positive thinking tin be helpful, there's been a swell in what mental health experts have dubbed "toxic positivity" — "the belief that no affair how dire or difficult a state of affairs is, people should maintain a positive mindset" (via Verywell Mind). This overemphasis on the positive side of things means folks cease upward dismissing negative or difficult emotions instead of facing them. And, as it turns out, that kind of never-ending cheerful facade can practice more harm than good.
How Does Toxic Positivity Touch Your Daily Life?
In essence, toxic positivity throws moderation out the window, favoring a semblance of cheer over someone'due south bodily lived experience. This kind of mental attitude can minimize — and, at its worst, flat-out deny — emotions that aren't deemed positive. But it'south important to agree space for both the good and the bad, the happy and the pitiful.
Without a doubt, the COVID-xix pandemic has underscored just how insidious toxic positivity tin be when it's the only attitude one'due south exuding. That is, over the past year people have had to bargain with tremendous loss and grief, unemployment, social isolation, shutdowns, hard home and family unit dynamics and more — all of it is unprecedented, heavy and, largely, rivered with "negative" emotions. Not to mention, we're likewise spending a lot more time online and being bombarded by the "positive vibes" of overly curated, simply-the-expert-stuff social media accounts.
Mostly, people in your life who brand "argent lining"-type remarks are well-intentioned, only imagine sitting downwards with a close friend, family member or confidante and being told, in the face of all of these challenges, to look for a vivid side. This kind of response would feel frustrating — and result in harm — for a number of reasons. First off, information technology makes the person going through the difficult experiences feel both guilty and shameful: The guilt stems from the feeling that they're doing something "wrong" by not finding a bright side, while the shame comes from the fact that they probably simply want someone to validate their anger, sadness or grief and, in not getting that support, their emotions tin experience "wrong."
Additionally, toxic positivity "functions as an avoidance machinery," explains Verywell Mind. Sure, no one wants to feel uncomfortable, pained or upset — those aren't optimal experiences. Just running away from these feelings, be they yours or someone else's, means you're dismissing how y'all really feel. According to Psychology Today, "When yous deny or avoid unpleasant emotions, you make them bigger."
And when you continually avoid them, or others encourage you to pay them no mind, those feelings trap you in a cycle of unprocessed, e'er-growing emotions. Noel McDermott, a clinical psychotherapist, told Refinery29 something similar, stating that, "If y'all avoid feelings that challenge you — or encourage others to avert them — you narrow the range of relationships you tin can accept, and you narrow the life experiences y'all can accept." Needless to say, internalizing and practicing positivity to this extreme, toxic extent is unsustainable.
It'southward important to remember that nosotros tin't be happy all the time. In fact, non merely is it okay to non exist okay, information technology'southward essential for growth. "Emotions are non 'expert' or 'bad,' all positive or all negative. Instead, think of them as guidance," Psychology Today notes. "Emotions assist u.s.a. make sense of things. If yous're sad about leaving a job, information technology probably means that experience was meaningful. If you feel anxious nearly a presentation, information technology probably means y'all care about how you are perceived." In many ways, our emotions are breadcrumbs leading us along a path to sympathize our reactions, needs, desires so on.
While sharing a cute puppy video with someone who's feeling bluish may bring them some temporary cheer, it can't "solve" their sadness. "Nosotros can't select which emotions we're going to have. If we try to become rid of 1 set of emotions, we'll become rid of them all and get numb to both pleasant and unpleasant emotions," McDermott says. "If y'all try to get rid of bad emotions, you damage your whole internal earth."
So, what can you exercise instead if you're feeling downward — or if y'all're supporting a friend who's going through a difficult time? Instead of offering up a "silverish lining" or some other "things happen for a reason" mantra, heed to your friend (or yourself). When we're going through something difficult, we just desire to exist heard and validated. Don't spin it — sit with it. In the long run, you'll be happier for it.
Source: https://www.ask.com/culture/ask-answers-toxic-positivity?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740004%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex
0 Response to "How to Know if You Are a Toxic Person"
Post a Comment